“Most people don’t want freedom, because freedom involves responsibility and that is scary.”
Rohan had a heart attack at 37. As he recounted his story it was a clear case of career burnout. He confessed that he worked very hard and struggled even more. The constant tension at work was about the team that didn’t do enough, didn’t priorities adequately, he blamed them for not coming up with solutions fast enough, in fact they just didn’t care enough. As we moved along with the session he admitted that he placed high demands on himself and others and his hyperactive, vigilant eye missed nothing. Saving his project was as important to him as saving the world from disaster!
Whenever we feel overwhelmed by all the goings on around us, most people look for something to blame and look for a scapegoat. Psychologists say we’re addicted to criticism and frequently blame life and ourselves too and plunge into victim hood…feeling sorry for ourselves.
Very often we hear people say, “ I didn’t create all this…it just happened to me!” This response is in itself a clue to some unaddressed belief or attitude.
Then it’s time we re-defined responsibility.
Responsibility is the ability to be mindful of ourselves and of our thoughts and feelings that result from what happens inside or outside of us. It primarily means to consciously choose our response with intention and care.
Many times responsibility is confused with obligation or punishment. Though, it is a response to things we actually have a control over. For instance, when you don’t want to go to a party with your friends and their response is, “you’ll really hurt my feelings if you don’t come”, pause and check your intention for not going….if you don’t intend to hurt anyone, then your responsibility ends there….their hurt feelings are their responsibility, not yours.
As another example, look at your circumstances as having two files….one is “your file” and the other is “not your file”….then ask yourself, “is this issue in my file”? If not, forget about it and don’t take it on.
So, response is a conscious, examined answer or action and a reaction would be a ‘mouth before mind’, abrupt answer blurted out before considering an option. Viktor Frankl says it perfectly, “between stimulus and response to it there is a space….in that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom.”
Whenever we use the space to pause and reflect, we are response-able and we create win-win situations, strong relationships and we mature as individuals.
In my counselling work, responsibility is akin to evolution. The ability to know that we’re at the crossroad, possibly stuck in the mud and in order to grow and become who we want to be, we need to hold ourselves accountable. Responsibility is the key to the soul’s evolution.
Cheers!
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