Chasing Happiness

 

“You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of.”

Albert Camus

At the start of every session I ask my client, “What do you really want?”

She replied, “I want to be happy all the time!”

And that is what got me thinking about choosing this topic.

 

Living in a world where there’s overemphasis on being happy can actually have the opposite effect. If you’re constantly preoccupied with what will make you happy....that preoccupation will make you unhappy.

 

If you have an expectation that you should always be happy, then any moment of not being so is deeply dissatisfying. And when we see laughter-filled ads, TV shows focused on the have-to-be-happy stories we expect and begin to compare the reality of our lives to others and the frustration descends.

 

Taking a look at Instagram or Facebook you’ll see an abundance of smiling faces doing enviable activities, ear-to-ear grins...it’s like the whole world is happy all the time!

But something about this joyful frenzy seems off since more and more of our population is depressed and seeking help with therapy (which in itself is the way to go). So, the question is, “Can we be happy all the time?” Of course not!

 

This was a question that I thought about often as I was growing up...I figured that if I felt happy I wouldn’t feel pain and conversely if I was suffering I couldn’t be happy. So, I systematically stepped away from people and experiences that would make me unhappy.

 

I concentrated on filling my bucket with all things “happy”....Zen philosophy, Sufism, meditation, expressing gratitude, journaling etc. I felt so zen-like and elevated! I realised soon enough that to avoid suffering is like controlling the sunrise! I learned that all emotions are normal and have a purpose. To use them all means we’re living a rich, fulfilling life.

 

The most important lesson has been to learn that a good life isn’t just about being happy. It’s about being authentically who we are, including pleasure and pain, happiness and sadness, love and conflict. If I felt happy all the time I might never improve myself or my life.

 

I know now, that it’s an ongoing process this search for happiness...we’re going to feel sad, cry and feel down and that’s meaningful and important.

 

As I write this today I can’t say I’ve mastered some special skill, or I can mouth off some great insight into happiness...but I can offer my own experience. Happiness isn’t a thing ...it’s a feeling we experience. We can either step towards it or step away from it.

 

I find many things during my day that make me happy, things that I’m grateful for and many things that scare me and make me uncomfortable....that doesn’t make me anything except human...just like you!

 

Between happiness and suffering there is a place in the middle that respects our entire being. It’s a place where we can be everything and anything. It’s a place where we can embrace it all....understanding that each thread is important in weaving our story. Rather than chasing happiness or running away from pain there is another place....it’s called being yourself...it has humility, fear, gentleness, love and opportunity. So, all you have to be is be yourself.

  

Until next time....