Touched

 

Touch is stronger than pain. Every time we hurt ourselves, when we fall or bang our elbow our first response is to touch the pain area. Why?

It’s a built-in response of healing that we’re programmed to do. When we touch ourselves we alert the neurons in that area, we aid blood circulation and natural form of healing begins.

Touch is the glue of the senses. It’s not just experienced physically but as emotion and far better than any verbal language. It is as important as the oxygen we breathe....we are social beings.

It is the first sense by which we encounter the world and the final one to leave us as we approach the beyond...it is the first and the last language...it always tells the truth.

In the last few months ‘touch’ has experienced a prohibition era. The 2020 pandemic has served to make touch the ultimate taboo. Whether we are infected with the virus or not, touch is not allowed...it has paid the highest price. But if not touching is what protects us, it’s also what we need for care and nurturance.

When we are deprived of touch the body and brain suffers an enormous lack of development. As a child I suffered from “touch hunger” because my family did not believe in demonstrations of affection. It’s only now, as an adult, that I know the effect of tactile contact like being held or cuddled is crucial to growth and balance in later life.

In my work as an emotional Counsellor I know that there is something special about touching a client’s hand or resting my palm on their body while they are going through a transition. I know that there is no care and no cure without touch.

Now, increasingly, people are getting away from touching one another specially as technology has taken over with social networking sites that don’t require your presence...I hear that 50% of young people are online almost constantly.

Though the negative aspects of touch can’t be neglected either...for instance when it’s used as a weapon of power over the other gender. The “me too” movement has made us aware how women are expected to acquiesce to inappropriate touch to climb the success ladder. Also teachers, doctors or salespeople are warned against being too “hands on”.

Yet innumerable studies show us that touch actually improves the quality of our interactions....a hug, a shoulder tap, a warm handshake with affection elevates the exchange. A handshake says much more like confidence, sealing an agreement and even competence.

We use touch every day to communicate deeper than verbally...with touch we can tell someone we’re scared, happy, sad or sexually aroused. And what is absolutely amazing to me is that touch can never be a ‘solo’ act...it’s the only sense which is unique because we can look without being looked at, but we can’t touch without being touched in return! Touch really is the ultimate tool for social connection.

Throughout our lives we need touch to flourish and it must be really important because in the digital world too we say, “keep in touch” or “I’m touched by your kindness”. Touch says, “we are close and together in this”.

As a therapist I know that nothing could compare with a physically intimate moment with someone....I could never do the same digitally...it wouldn’t be rich in shared experience like a hug could provide. It reminds me of a healer I visited once whose sign said, “payment of ₹200, a smile or a hug!”

We lose a lot when we deprive ourselves of touch, since it’s one of the most sophisticated languages we communicate in. I read this somewhere, “We need 4 hugs a day for survival, we need 8 hugs a day for maintenance and 12 hugs a day for growth.”

A better world is often just a hug away!

 

Until next time....