Our Unmet Needs - The Realm of the Hungry Ghosts


“The attempt to escape from pain, is what creates more pain.”
Gabor Mate

When you’re hungry, what do you reach for? Chocolates, cookies, chips or a sandwich? This, of course, curbs your physical hunger temporarily. We have other hungers that demand our attention _ our need for bonding, safety or love. We all struggle with any attempt to soothe ourselves and quench these thirsts. Some may reach for obvious ways like alcohol, drugs or gambling while others resort to more socially acceptable behaviours like binge-eating, anger, perfectionism, approval seeking or judgement.

In the Buddhist teachings there is a realm for every level of existence. The level for addictions is the Realm of the Hungry Ghosts...they are creatures with scrawny necks and large swollen bellies. Their narrow neck passage doesn’t allow the big belly to be filled and they suffer from the inability to satisfy intense desire....they are unable to assimilate what they desperately need.

This realm is where we constantly seek something outside of ourselves to curb an insatiable yearning for fulfilment. There is an aching emptiness which needs to be soothed by someone or something. It could be overwork, accumulating stuff and wealth, physical beauty or social status...it’s a never-ending effort to try to improve ourselves from this deficit. It’s all about not feeling ‘good enough’.

All of us struggle with our own version of the hungry ghost syndrome. We all have these ghosts visit our lives and more often than not they tend to overstay.

It’s human to have desires but it’s not always that they’re satisfied. The challenge is when these unmet desires surface they keep us locked in a loop of craving and many times shame....worse, they drain us of our capacity to enjoy life in the moment. We all have ideas about what will make us happy...and we’re mostly wrong!

My hungry ghost demanded compulsive distraction with food, entertainment, work or even depression. When happiness felt futile, I would feed my hungry ghost instead. I didn’t want to touch upon the true pain of my losses or past trauma.

I didn’t know that when something like love or bonding is missing then there is a mental delusion as to what will actually bring satisfaction....even temporary relief...we grasp and hold on tight for survival.

Tara Brach says that when we have addictions it’s a tell-tale sign that we’ve left home. We fixate on energies outside of us and have moved away from our heart. When we pay attention to what hooks us as addiction we need to look at what we’re attached to....it’s like a flag that tells us we’ve pulled away from our deepest core. If we’re willing to deepen our attention then that very place of stuckness, the hook, becomes a portal to a very profound transformation.

Take a moment to see where you’re stuck, it will help to reduce the hold the ghost has on you. The further you go down the spiritual path the more you will find dark places where the energy is blocked. We might go through some dark emotions but at least we realise that some dude inside our head isn’t going to call the shots.

To admit that this ghost has been allowed to feed and create compulsive behaviours is a huge step towards putting it to rest....it’s called responsibility! So quiet your ghost...it’s there for a reason. Understand that you summoned her because you were hurt, lost confused or scared and you let the scar remain.

I know this now....I am wise to it. When I feel the hungry ghost in me, instead of feeding it I remain present in my body. I listen to the parts that hurt. I let the tears flow. I allow the anger and release it. Know that what you’re looking for is already here....pause and deepen your attention.

Close your eyes and see some area where you’re hooked...anything where there is obsessiveness....no clinging....just feel it with openness and ease. See the lessons...what did that do for you? Did it give you relief from anxiety, pain or loneliness? Let go of blame...it allows you to return to the source of what you long for.

Remember that the light shines through the broken places!

Cheers!

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