Acceptance

“For, after all, the best thing one can do when it is raining, is to let it rain.”

Henry Longfellow.

Happiness = Acceptance is letting go of what you cannot control.
Sounds simple, right? Then why aren’t we happy?
Because what looks easy is often difficult to apply in life. We all want happiness to fill the void in our life, but we don’t want the difficulties that go with it.

Acceptance: Something has happened (which I don’t like) and what can I do next?
Resignation: Something bad has happened and there’s nothing I can do...sigh!
Even though these two states are apparently similar, they’re not.

Acceptance is saying ‘yes’ to reality. It doesn’t mean reality is good or it’s desirable. It just means ‘it is’. It means I accept the situation as it is right now even if I don’t like it.

Breathing in acceptance when there is pain is like being inoculated for a disease. It allows you to take in a bit of what ails you, to ward off the greater, more deadly disease. When you accept what is you can then figure out with greater calm and clarity what, if anything, you might do about your circumstances.

Resignation is habitual reactivity. It is the opposite of acceptance. It is recognising the impossibility of a situation but still wanting it to be different. There is struggle, powerlessness, lack of control....a stuck place.

Acceptance, on the other hand is about choice...it comes from the Latin ‘to find rest’, instead of getting caught up in the ‘if only’.

When we resist reality we handover the power of our emotional well-being to that reality, or to other people or events. Then, what we are basically saying is that for me to be happy things have to be a particular way otherwise I have the right to be upset.

Pain, loss, injustice are inevitable. They are part of life’s givens. To accept these givens is not to sit back helplessly in the face of them, but to do what we can to ease our pain of course....and acceptance frees us to use our energy wisely rather than deplete it with unhealthy attitudes and endless questions that only add to our pain.

When we ask, “why did this happen to me?” it means I’m opposing the path to acceptance and choose to resist instead. Acceptance is resisted by people who view having control as vital to their psychological survival. In my personal experience, when control becomes an end in itself rather than a means to a higher goal, it leads only to misery.

A saner perspective lies in examining the meaning we give to our experiences. For example, if you have been cheated in a relationship your lack of trust will distort your view of future relationships. Our brains are very creative, when we define something as negative our brain re-enforces that reality.

So, our happiness lies in reframing any event to accept what is and let go of what we can’t control. Reframing is the difference between being constantly disappointed and being consistently satisfied.

Shaw said, “We are made wise not by the recollection of our past but by the responsibility of our future.” We can focus on the lesson learned and carry it forward.

In my opinion we can do this in a few simple ways...
First, acknowledge it and be radically honest with yourself. I do believe that accepting the ‘bad’ is a way to get to the ‘good’.
Second, it helps to count your strengths and to re-affirm your values and accomplishments.
Third, letting go of bias, like ruminating on what you could/should have done instead of creating what you want.
Fourth, get real! Accept that struggle is a part of life...confront it and search for the opportunity in it.

I know the past is imperfect and the future is uncertain...why not be here now!

Cheers!