The need to Belong. Our Innate Need for Connection

“The answer to human suffering is both within us and between us.”

Joanne Cacciatore.

The need to connect is as fundamental as our need for food and water. In fact, our happiness and health depend on the strong connections we have with family and friends. I’m told that people who live in caring communities live longer, happier lives than people who live alone or are around those they are not connected with.

If you ask people, mostly they’ll say they are content enough with their lives. But some are truly happy. What makes them happy? Money? Safety? Self-Confidence? Support systems? Fulfilling job? Repeatedly we find that as we look closer that everyone who’s happy has one factor in common: human relationships.

Relationships are the ‘social capital’ that gives a sense of meaning to our lives. The interactive exchange makes all the difference.

In my own experience, it’s amazing how connecting with someone even briefly can give me what I need to soldier on. There are times I’ve been in the dumps....dealing with difficult issues, feeling drained and not being able to lift myself out of it. Then the phone rings....my first thought is not to answer, but then I do and hear a good friend’s voice. We chat about nothing important for 5 minutes and say goodbye. My spirit is lifted. I smile. I decide to push myself and go for a walk. Some people smile at me as I pass, and I smile back. I feel better.

Connections don’t have to be heart to heart, intense interactions. They can be a simple walk, a pleasant interaction at a store, a shared joke or a text message.

Though the current truth of our lives is that we’ve limited our interactions to texting, social media and even shopping on line and we feel proud of our independence. The fact is that we are a social species with an innate desire to communicate with each other. The web is just the latest means to satisfy this innate drive.

In living our lives and pursuing our dreams, we need to recognise how important basic human connections are to our well-being. In the words of Brene Brown, “We are all wired to love, to be loved and to belong. When those needs are not met, we don’t function as we were meant to. We fall apart, we ache and we numb out. We then hurt others and we get sick.”

While many of us cannot always control the number of friends we have, one thing we can take responsibility for is our state of mind and emotions.
Love is our true destiny. Mostly we don’t find it in seclusion....we find it in the preciousness of relating. It’s not just me and it’s not just you, we are all struggling with learning to connect in one way or another. So, let’s live our lives knowing that there are people, an abundance of people who are in this together.



Until next time....