There is a story of two dogs. Both, at separate times, walk into the same room. One comes out wagging his tail while the other comes out growling. A woman watching this goes into the room to see what could possibly make one dog so happy and the other so mad. To her surprise she finds a room filled with mirrors. The happy dog found a thousand happy dogs looking back at him and the angry one saw many growling back.
You may have heard it before, but it is such a strong statement: “We can only see things in others that we see within ourselves. ” I think this is one of the most challenging spiritual lessons we are here to learn.
When I first read this statement a few years ago, it seemed odd to me. Like most people, my first response was, “surely I do not act like a lot of people who annoy me and push my buttons.”
EVERYONE YOU MEET IS YOUR MIRROR.
We come to understand ourselves best through our relationships with others. We can only be triggered by something we have experienced ourselves. So, we need to realise that when certain characteristics in someone’s personality trigger a negative reaction from us, there is something within us that is coming up because it is ready to be healed...some unresolved issues from the past. For example, if you’re constantly attracting people who betray you maybe there is an issue with a parent who abandoned you as a child. So, the feeling deep inside is that you can’t trust anyone with your feelings.
Another example: if you’re someone who has a need to prove that you’re “right”, chances are you’ll attract people who want to convince others to see life from their perspective. Also, if you dislike controlling people, most likely you dislike some bossy tendencies within yourself.
Every person we meet in life shows up at the perfect time in our lives to reflect something we need to heal within ourselves. The people with whom you interact are showing you who you are and ultimately providing you with an opportunity to love yourself.
I understand, quite simply, that our mission here is to realise what we don’t love and learn to love it. The people who get on our nerves the most are our greatest teachers.
My suggestion is that when you find yourself triggered by a person or situation ask yourself:
“What is this teaching me?”
“Do I behave like this now?”
“Did I behave like this in the past?”
Forgiving yourself is the most effective way to disengage from continually indulging in negative interactions with people. When you make it a habit to learn from relationships, eventually a non-judgemental self emerges.... people can do whatever and you can simply observe them without getting hooked into their drama.
The good news is that when we focus on the light within ourselves, we help to bring out the light in others around us!
Cheers!
Until next time....
Ritu Malhotra
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