FOLLOWING THE CROWD

FOLLOWING THE CROWD

How not to be an expert fitter-inner!

"Don't change so people will like you, be yourself and the right people will love you!"

Many of us suffer from this split between who we are and who we present to the world in order to be accepted.

For instance:

1) Having different interests and priorities than most people around....like not liking cricket or sports in general.

2) Having different beliefs or values than anyone around.....being the artsy type, or being the only one who does not drink or party.

3) Just being the 'weird' one who gets picked on or laughed at.

4) Not being religious in the same way as the group.

5) Being too quiet, too talkative, too serious, a funster or a workaholic.

When you don't 'fit in' you can be labelled as being awkward, not having the right clothes or being a 'goody too shoes' kind of person. At best it spells out as not being 'normal'!

How much energy does it take to do that?!!

If you don't spend that much energy worrying about what others think of the real you, you'll have lots of time and energy left over to stand on your head or whatever else makes you happy!

This kind of anxiety to be acceptable is incongruent living and it is soul-sucking!

Over time many people begin to doubt themselves because they have received a steady drip of messages telling them they're not fitting in or 'normal'. The truth is that there's nothing wrong with being different....I can definitely say that if you're feeling any of the above, you have a lot of company.

A lot of us are quiet and reserved and many of us feel drained in social situations.  So many feel like they can't make small talk and converse easily. It's O.K!

None of us are like anyone else...we're unique, each one of us....like no two snowflakes are alike...we're special!

I had spent part of my young life trying to fit in....pleasing people, receive approval from family and friends, teachers. Without even realising it I would change myself, my desires and sometimes my opinions to fit into whatever mould was required at the time. And I slowly realised that if you're always trying to prove your worth to others you've forgotten your true value! 

There was always a difference between what I wanted and what I thought I should want. This leads to our sacrificing ourselves to please others....living their dreams at the expense of our own. The more I did that the more I was defined by them....the work I did, the clothes I wore, how much money I had, my life-style etc. We live in a world where we're always expected to be richer, slimmer, fitter, happier.....different in some way!

So what I learned is that it's time to stop worrying about what others think, why not do a self-appraisal instead? Everyone should play 'shrink' with themselves....ask yourself, "why do you accept others with all their failings but refuse to accept yourself?"

We all have character traits that could be made better.....We're like a rose bush, we'll always gave thorns, but they don't render our flowers worthless, do they?!

To find happiness we must be true to who we are.....OURSELVES! Live our own dreams, and be proud of what makes us unique, instead of feeling the pressure to follow the crowd.

Ask yourself, "What makes life worth living?" Everyone has their own version of the answer....yours is just as right for you as anyone else.

When we are comfortable in our own skin we don't need to fight against or with another, we are courageous enough to live our own truth.

The ancient meaning of the word courage is, "tell the story of who you are with your whole heart."

Until next time!
Ritu Malhotra.