“Acceptance looks like a passive state, but in reality it brings something entirely new into this world. That peace, a subtle energy vibration, is consciousness.” - Ekchart Tolle
I’m stuck in traffic…horns honking everywhere, I’m muttering to myself, “ don’t want to live in this city! I should have gone the other way…who’s that idiot who caused the jam?” There’s no control on this situation and yet I’m in a frenzy over the injustice one has to endure on the road in a big city.
Being trapped in traffic is frustrating though nothing compared to the terrible things that can happen in our lives. Unexpected occurrences like illness, disease, incurable disease and diagnosis that shocks the system can be extremely hard to overcome. What of loss, loss of a loved one, security or displacement….it changes our lives and robs us of the ability to do stuff that makes life fun and meaningful.
Even if we’re lucky and life may not have given us huge life changing catastrophes but all of us at some point are going to be faced with disappointment, hurts and humiliation that confound us. And we ask ourselves, “Why me lord?” These happenings require us to make sense of the many ways that we are inflicted with pain.
The Buddha said, “Life is dukkha_it’s painful!” Suffering is inevitable…it has preoccupied sages, gurus, philosophers alike through our shared histories. Even being in the profession that deals with pain, I’m sometimes at a loss for words when friends or loved ones are suffering.
There are no straight forward solutions to the pain of terminal illness, crushing injuries or loss and rejection in relationships. And now after 35 years of working I’ve realised something important: the more we try to avoid and evade painful realities the harder it gets to come out of it. The tentacles of pain can engulf and completely entangle us unless we address it. Like this profound saying, “By refusing to accept the misery that is part of climbing out of hell, you fall back in hell.”
Living and accepting your present doesn’t necessarily mean more joy…if anything, it might intensify your sadness, fear or anger. But we can gain control and awareness over how long and how intensely we experience painful realities by facing them in the present. Facing pain head on, may free us to appreciate positive aspects of our lives unrelated to the present event.
I do believe in the saying, “what stays in the dark grows in the dark.”
Any traumatic experience needs exposure, needs deeper attention and facing what the residue of the trauma has inflicted on us…like fear, helplessness etc. And then over time it’s not so traumatic, it gets easier to handle. For example, the first time you watch a horror movie you’re going to be horrified. But if you see it for the fifth time you’re likely to eat popcorn, or check your messages or fix a snack while watching it.
The more we expose ourselves to what we fear the more we lessen its hold on us. By getting into it you are able to shorten both the duration and the intensity of the suffering.
To put it simply, we have to accept where we are right now _ not fight or resist it. If you’re sad, feel it, don’t push it away or judge it or try to trivialise it. Instead turn towards what you’re feeling not away from it. What it really, and sometimes harshly, means is that it’s important to face our present with all its ridiculous implications, not by saying it’s undesirable, “ it’s not fair” or “I don’t deserve this” or “I didn’t plan this!”
There is no wisdom in swimming upstream. Wisdom lies in taking a deep breath and saying, “I accept”.
Cheers!
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