Zadie Smith.
Small talk is one of those necessary little difficulties of life. I’ve never been a fan; in fact, I’ve always shied away even rejected it. When I’m required to make small talk with strangers or even acquaintances suddenly I have nothing to say, leave alone anything interesting!
“This weather is the worst”, “I love your shoes”, “this match was the best ever.” Yeah, we’ve all heard ourselves say this at times...though it’s become much less because of technology overtaking communication. The pandemic, of course, has made it worse...no casual interactions with strangers, even at checkout lines at stores, banks etc. social ‘small talk’ is severely halted in the name of ‘six feet’ distance with masks and shields.
Being mostly a loner and self-proclaimed “exclusovert” (someone who is not reclusive but exclusive) as opposed to introvert, i relished the idea of not having to make unnecessary conversations...I always had to have intense exchanges...to have something important to say...shooting the breeze about inconsequential matters and not talk about weighty issues was wasted time according to me.
I grew up thinking that Minding one’s own business and staying in peace was a good way to be. But dealing with people, specially professionally, has taught me that ‘small talk’ is where it all begins...many say if you want to get somewhere start at the beginning, start with chit-chat because small talk has no investment, no cost, no risk, maybe a bit of rejection and a temporarily bruised ego but that’s an easy price to pay to climb the work ladder.
Being older and hopefully somewhat wiser, I have now come to realise that talking is a social lubricant and not necessarily done to convey information but to establish familiarity and create comfort. Chit-chat is a social-bonding tool and a proven way to boost well-being for some. After our basic human needs of food, safety and shelter are met we most of all need to belong. Shaking hands or waving good-bye is being likeable and friendly. A light banter feels good many times.
Humans are social beings....we crave connection and that is why Mark Zukerberg is worth over 17 billion! We love to know how others live, where they go, what they read, what they like to eat, how they relax and what they’re passionate about. I’m not comparing Facebook with having a polite, interested conversation but talking sincerely with another is a good way to be liked....it’s an act of politeness...taking the time to acknowledge another and also listen to what they have to say.
My spiritually aware friends would say, it’s not about big talk or small talk but just being in the present with anyone you meet is where it’s at. Though I say, it’s about putting your phone down for a few minutes, looking at another with complete attention, opening your heart, giving all your energy and connecting in 3 dimensions!! Plus it works both ways, makes the giver and receiver both feel good. It’s a good thing!
Cheers!
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