The Art of Letting Go

“The art of living lies in the fine mingling of letting go and holding on.”

Havelock Ellis

One of the sweetest and most heartful stories I can remember is when my daughter was 7 years old. She had insisted on buying a pet parrot. Very excitedly she hung up the cage outside her room and spent the day talking to and over feeding her new pet. But the parrot was enraged....he refused to eat and wouldn’t stop gnawing at the metal cage.

By the evening his beak was inflamed and bleeding. Shikha, my daughter was beside herself with concern and insisted we call a doctor. After speaking to a vet I knew, I came back to give her the sad news that there was no one who could help in this situation.

I finally had to ask if she knew what the parrot wanted. It was probably the toughest question of her little life...after a long, quiet while, she lowered her eyes and said, “ I think he wants to fly away!” With tears streaming down her face she heard me say, “sometimes even when you love someone a lot, you need to let them go.” We both cried...I left her alone to decide. After many long minutes she came back, still sobbing, “ I’ve let him go!”

Let go to let come.

Not just for relationships or the loved ones in our lives but we hold on to stuff for ever....household things, shoes, books or knick-knacks...I might hold on to a sweater that I haven’t worn in years. It probably doesn’t fit and is out of style but I’ll justify that I love it and it has memories....but I also know that I’ll never wear it again. I need to accept that when I get rid of it I’m making place for a better one.

When we give up something, the love I had for it is never lost; it only transforms as the love for something else....and so it is of life!

Can you miss someone or something? Sure! But you’re also keeping in mind that you are now making room for better. Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting everything that happened, it means creating a distance from what’s not working to what needs to be created instead.

And how about habits? Over consuming, obsessing, worrying...we all have these at some point in life. We know that if we were to let it go we’d be living more fully and create more presence but it’s SCARY!

The truth is that we have the power to decide what we let go of and what we hold on to, and it is these decisions that will shape the path we take in our life.

The unexamined past tends to trap us....obsessively we replay past hurts, guilts and injustices. Rage against someone who belittled us or betrayed us, or to brood and cling to lost love are some issues that we may find impossible to let go of. I know that these are common inclinations for us all BUT to a point and for a time ONLY!

However strong the need to regurgitate our yesterdays there is a point when analysis does turn into paralysis and sticks like gum on our psychological shoe. This glue will not just disappear one day....it will need to be scraped!

The key lies in trusting that we have the courage and power within us to clean it up, flush it down the toilet or simply to open our fist and drop it because we recognise that it just doesn’t honour us anymore.

I want to end with this story I read somewhere....A guy goes for a hike and he falls over the edge of a cliff. He’s dangling from the branch of a tree and he sees a totally hungry tiger above him! He starts yelling for help and all of a sudden he hears a booming voice and he’s startled! He says, “God, is that you?” God says, “ Yes, it’s me.” The guy helplessly shouts back, “ Help me! What should I do, what can I do?” And God says, “Just let go!” Still dangling from the branch, the guy says, “ Is anyone else there?!!”

As a story it’s funny but as we examine our choices the shift slowly begins....wisdom recognition creeps in as we start on the long walk to freedom...recognising that there is more awake awareness available to each one of us.

There is a higher self and we can learn to access it.

Cheers!