Why do we suffer? Is suffering necessary?

“Pain falls drop by drop upon the heart until in one’s own despair, against our will, comes wisdom.” 

Dealing with pain is hard work.

Anyone who has read Victor Frankl knows, what it means to have everything of personal value taken away from you. His time in the prison camp taught him that what the Nazis were unable to take away from him was his choice as to how to respond to the deprivation and trauma he went through. He says he could do it by focusing his energies on “owning” the small space between the stimulus and his response to it. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.

To know that you have a choice, in the most horrific circumstances is a remarkable example of inner strength, serenity, prayer and grace.

Pain is unavoidable, suffering is not. It occurs in response to thoughts such as, “Why me?”, “Life isn’t fair!”, “This is horrible.”

Everything has the potential of suffering...not getting what you want is suffering, birth, death and ageing can be suffering. The Buddha said, “Life is suffering”. What he meant is that anything temporary has Dukkha (suffering)...anything that is subject to change. Sorrow, lamentation, Pain, grief and despair all are states where suffering arises. Thus, happiness is dukkha, because it can’t be permanent. Even the purest state of bliss in spiritual practice is dukkha. Separation from the beloved is dukkha, association with the unbeloved is dukkha too. In conclusion clinging is dukkha, clinging to youth, security or money.

Gurdjieff said that there is nothing that can be achieved spiritually without suffering and yet if we have to grow and move ahead, we have to let go and transform suffering. The dual nature is mysterious though. Suffering brings us compassion, it helps us open up to the mystery of life....though if we hold on and wallow in it our journey stops.

This doesn’t mean that we need to invite suffering purposely, but when it does happen we can find the courage to go beyond it. To see suffering as a grace is the real gift. As has been said, “ it is there to allow us to come home.”

If there is one thing I have learned through my pain of loss, it is to just ride it. Feel it. Allow it. Don’t let it consume you, but give the pain some space and allow yourself to grieve for some time until you decide you must part ways with it in search of positivity and light again.



Until next time....